Kenya? Well, I can't.

I'm so sad. I had my heart set on going to Kenya for field camp. My boss finally gave me an answer and it was no. It's stupid. They flew one guy to Chicago every single week for however long so he could get his masters degrees. They fly people to northern Idaho (NOT CHEAP!) every weekend for two years at a time to get their degrees. They paid a guy to live in Missouri for a year while he finished. Not only tuition, but living expenses and salaries for these guys. I'm quite certain they spent well over $8000 on those guys. The list goes on and on for examples like this. Maybe I'm the wrong gender to get those kinds of benefits. Anyway. ON the upside, instead I get to spend 6 weeks in Mackay, Idaho, instead. It's a complete let down, but I'm sure it will be great. And if all this wasn't bad enough, the fates are rubbing it in! 4 articles in today's scientist e-newsletters have something to do with...you guessed it. Kenya and Africa. I don't hear anything about Africa...in the news or anything...and suddenly, today, it's Africa, Africa. Africa (One related to Kenya, the other 3 in African countries/areas bordering or near Kenya).

I've lost 5 pounds as of today. yay. I really don't care. Maybe I do. Just a little. And I get to go see a presentation on the exciting advances in science and the unusual physical properties of carbon nanostructures. So, there's something good about today... aside from being alive and all.

I hate food. Ok. I hate dieting.

Yes, there's a reason it's a DIEt. I am two days into it, and I am grumpy, hateful, jealous, mean and most of all... HUNGRY!  I hate HCG. I'd almost rather do Atkins, because at least on that I can eat until I'm full. But with HCG, I won't (or shouldn't) get wrinkles as I get skinny. I've seen people lose 60 lb with this and look YOUNGER coming out of it, and I am really that vain. I guess if I were that vain, I wouldn't have gotten to be this size to begin with. Gorge days are GREAT! Who wouldn't love eating party pizzas, bugles, Snake River Burger-Black and Blue, waffle fries, and pasta salad all day? Yesterday was my first day of 500 calories. I probably had less just because I was mad. I had a handful of snow peas (probably not on the list), and half a can of stupid chicken. I also took a bite of sloppy joes with cheddar cheese. I LOOOOOVE that stuff. No one was looking, so it doesn't count, right?  Caleb was sooo mean yesterday! He got a plate of pasta salad and kept making 'mmmm' noises while he was eating it. I wanted to smash that plate in his face. See how mean I get when I don't get food? Today, so far, I've had....a plum. In 5.5 hours of being awake, that's all I've eaten. I'm really hateful and mad right now. I also left my stupid drops in the car. And the elevator is broken. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't hurt my ankle at girls camp. I have to run errands anyway. I sure hope the bank teller isn't stupid. I have a low tolerance for things I deem illogical anyway, but now I'm hungry and in an even worse mood!  This poor guy at work, he built this form and it doesn't work like the instructions say it should. I called him and told him that the form was frustrating and was making me madder with every wrong instruction I saw. I did finally tell him that it wasn't his, or his forms, fault, it was because I am mad because I'm dieting. He was nice and understood, but he still has a stupid form. I'm going to stop venting now. I did drop 5 pounds already by this morning. I didn't get on the scale yesterday, because I was too mad. But, 5 pounds in 2 days is pretty exciting, even if it is just water or something. Can't wait to see what it says tomorrow.

So, my goal is to be Marissa's size so I can wear all of her cute clothes, but don't tell her that. She forbade me to wear her clothes when I get skinny. I can't wait to show up to see my darling daughter wearing HER sparkly-butt jeans and one of her tight Aero t-shirts.

Scared Silly

Last night the kids and I watched Transformers 2 before bed. Maybe my night mares that followed were from not finishing the movie. I would have never thought that Transformers 2 could elicit such terrifying dreams. Instead of a shard from the cube, I had a beautiful quartz crystal that someone was after. Instead of Decepticons, it was a guy with knives and a hatchet that was after me. Oh, and I was at work, out at the site, 60 miles from anywhere...and I'd missed the evening bus so it was just me and a few of the back shift folks who I didn't even know. I got a call from one of the guards who was telling me to watch out and before he could tell me anything else, I heard him scream, the clink of hatchets and knives and a thud. Another phone call from someone else, same end result. While I was cowering in my office, I woke up staring at the ceiling. I grabbed my phone and texted Marissa... I was too scared to do anything else. (I'm really scared of the dark. Irrationally so.) So Marissa came to sleep with me. Just after I finished telling her about my dream, there was a crash in the bathroom. I screamed as loud as I could, but apparently that wasn't enough in my mind because I took a deep breath and belted out another one. Marissa threw her arm over me saying "MOM! MOM!" Ellie crawled under the covers squeezing between Marissa and me. After a few seconds, I heard the 'thump thump' of the boys running upstairs to see what was wrong. Christian came in laughing thinking it was a spider and Caleb came in, wild eyed, holding a small steak knife ready to take someone out. Christian investigated for me and found it was the toothbrush holder that had fallen off the mirror. Sheesh.

The last time I was that scared was Marissa's prom night. I looked out the glass on the front door to make sure the lights were on for her. I saw a flash of teal and then a hand coming directly at me. Another blood-curdling scream came pouring out of my mouth. I don't even realize it's happening til it's over. She came in wondering what the heck (I think she actually said that...). We heard some thumping in my bedroom and a second later, Jeffery was in the hall, in his boxers and a t-shirt, wobbling, eyes red and unfocused, with his fists up and ready. He'd fallen trying to get out of bed so fast, tangled in the sheets. His knee was a little twisted, but he was still ready to defend me against whatever was coming through the door.

If something bad ever did happen, like a freak murderer coming in with the intent to cut me into pieces and put me into the garbage disposal, everyone in my family will be so used to my screaming over everything that no one will come save me!

I am prejudiced

I have to admit that I am prejudiced. I feel bad about it. Their hair, the way they walk, the way they communicate with their buddies in an effort to take over the world and take what isn't theirs. Even the shape of their bodies is disgusting to me. My fear of them is irrational but sometimes it does consume me, especially when I see one of them. I can't get them out of my mind. My irrational fear of them makes me hate them so much that I want them all dead! My father was the same way. He hated them, too. My mom once thought it was funny to put one in a jar and roll it into the bathroom while my daddy was on the toilet. I don't know if he screamed, but I would. I'd probably cuss, too. Do you think lesser of me that I am this consumed with my hatred of spiders?  (Ticks I count with spiders because they have 8 legs also). I'm fine with snakes. I should tell you about a really funny snake story but not this time. I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up in here because I can't follow one thought all the way through...what was I saying? Last night I dreamed I caught a rattlesnake in Dianna Guthrie's yard. Oh, right. I think my only prejudice is against spiders which is weird because I love every living thing! If it weren't for bacon I could  totally be a vegetarian. Anyway... yeah, I'm prejudiced against spiders.

I can't even tell you how frightened I am of spiders. Even the little harmless jumping spiders. Just because they jump and move so fast and they're hairy! A few days ago, there was a jumping spider on my bedroom wall. Christian is a pretty good spider catcher so I yelled for him. He came in, laughing because from the panic in my voice he could tell there must be a spider around. Caleb followed out of curiosity. He wondered what the panic sound was for. So, Christian, my little hero, thinks it's funny to play with them. He's actually a little frightened, but not very much. He got a piece of toilet paper and, as per usual, dropped the spider when he tried to catch it. Of course I screamed as if the zombie apocalypse had just started in my house. Christian reached for it, it moved, I screamed again and jumped backwards. Christian, laughing, finally caught it and deposited it in the toilet. I accused him of lying about catching it and then saw it crawling around under the toilet paper in the water. I felt bad as I flushed the toilet. Sometimes I get the kids to put the spider outside, just because I don't like to kill things, but I was too panicked this time to think like that.

Here's another story that's quite amusing, though not to me. I was on my bed, squaw position, studying. I looked up and a hobo spider peeked up over the edge of my bed. I screamed, and before I could get up, the little *&^%$#@ ATTACKED me!! It ran straight for me so fast it was a blur. It caught up before I could get off the bed and believe me I was scrambling. I made it off the bed but not before it ran up my leg, up my body and disappeared! It moved so fast that I didn't see where it went. Corey, who was about 12 at the time, came in to see what in the world was happening. Jeffery had also made it into the room by now. Corey looked at me, pointed and started crying. He couldn't even talk. I understood that Corey was pointing at my hair, so I flipped my hair over and grabbed it into a pony tail and started screaming for someone to grab the scissors. I was ready to cut 10 inches off of my hair right then and there. My husband, who has threatened to move us to Ohio because there is actually a law on the books that says that a woman's hair belongs to her husband, yelled "NO" on the scissors. I started calling him all kinds of names and added a few not-nice adjectives to the scissors request to emphasize my urgency. Jeffery started laughing at me and managed to find and flick the hobo spider out of my hair. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack. Jeffery is almost as afraid of spiders as me, but apparently his love for my hair was worth him risking my life over. I will tell you, I did not feel badly at all about smashing that stupid spider until it's guts were all over the place.

If you happen to be walking by my house and hear me scream (or if you hear it from down the street) it's probably just a spider terrorizing me. Feel free to come in and rescue me...

I'm a terrible blogger

So, my friend Susan...she's the best blogger ever. She's so funny and the best part is I can actually hear her voice in my head when I read her blogs. She's my blog hero. HAHA! She's also very quirky! I think my favorite people are the quirkiest because I'm quirky. Sometimes snarky, too. Susan isn't snarky though. She's just adorable all around.
So,  I was going to blog my way through a diet, that didn't work out. I was going to blog through Corey's adventures... that didn't work out. I was going to blog Marissa's and Christian's and Caleb's adventures and that didn't work out either. Maybe when I don't have terribly hard classes to take every semester I can spend some time blogging. Until then, I guess I can use it as a distraction from homework, but that won't be that often.
I don't even know how to make my blog page cute! And I don't even care right now. Right now, I need to shower and study for my final tomorrow.

But not before I blog about spiders. Susan inspired me.