I am prejudiced

I have to admit that I am prejudiced. I feel bad about it. Their hair, the way they walk, the way they communicate with their buddies in an effort to take over the world and take what isn't theirs. Even the shape of their bodies is disgusting to me. My fear of them is irrational but sometimes it does consume me, especially when I see one of them. I can't get them out of my mind. My irrational fear of them makes me hate them so much that I want them all dead! My father was the same way. He hated them, too. My mom once thought it was funny to put one in a jar and roll it into the bathroom while my daddy was on the toilet. I don't know if he screamed, but I would. I'd probably cuss, too. Do you think lesser of me that I am this consumed with my hatred of spiders?  (Ticks I count with spiders because they have 8 legs also). I'm fine with snakes. I should tell you about a really funny snake story but not this time. I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up in here because I can't follow one thought all the way through...what was I saying? Last night I dreamed I caught a rattlesnake in Dianna Guthrie's yard. Oh, right. I think my only prejudice is against spiders which is weird because I love every living thing! If it weren't for bacon I could  totally be a vegetarian. Anyway... yeah, I'm prejudiced against spiders.

I can't even tell you how frightened I am of spiders. Even the little harmless jumping spiders. Just because they jump and move so fast and they're hairy! A few days ago, there was a jumping spider on my bedroom wall. Christian is a pretty good spider catcher so I yelled for him. He came in, laughing because from the panic in my voice he could tell there must be a spider around. Caleb followed out of curiosity. He wondered what the panic sound was for. So, Christian, my little hero, thinks it's funny to play with them. He's actually a little frightened, but not very much. He got a piece of toilet paper and, as per usual, dropped the spider when he tried to catch it. Of course I screamed as if the zombie apocalypse had just started in my house. Christian reached for it, it moved, I screamed again and jumped backwards. Christian, laughing, finally caught it and deposited it in the toilet. I accused him of lying about catching it and then saw it crawling around under the toilet paper in the water. I felt bad as I flushed the toilet. Sometimes I get the kids to put the spider outside, just because I don't like to kill things, but I was too panicked this time to think like that.

Here's another story that's quite amusing, though not to me. I was on my bed, squaw position, studying. I looked up and a hobo spider peeked up over the edge of my bed. I screamed, and before I could get up, the little *&^%$#@ ATTACKED me!! It ran straight for me so fast it was a blur. It caught up before I could get off the bed and believe me I was scrambling. I made it off the bed but not before it ran up my leg, up my body and disappeared! It moved so fast that I didn't see where it went. Corey, who was about 12 at the time, came in to see what in the world was happening. Jeffery had also made it into the room by now. Corey looked at me, pointed and started crying. He couldn't even talk. I understood that Corey was pointing at my hair, so I flipped my hair over and grabbed it into a pony tail and started screaming for someone to grab the scissors. I was ready to cut 10 inches off of my hair right then and there. My husband, who has threatened to move us to Ohio because there is actually a law on the books that says that a woman's hair belongs to her husband, yelled "NO" on the scissors. I started calling him all kinds of names and added a few not-nice adjectives to the scissors request to emphasize my urgency. Jeffery started laughing at me and managed to find and flick the hobo spider out of my hair. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack. Jeffery is almost as afraid of spiders as me, but apparently his love for my hair was worth him risking my life over. I will tell you, I did not feel badly at all about smashing that stupid spider until it's guts were all over the place.

If you happen to be walking by my house and hear me scream (or if you hear it from down the street) it's probably just a spider terrorizing me. Feel free to come in and rescue me...